Democracy Is Dead
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Anger its a beautiful thing.
Have you ever felt so angry over something, so overcome with emotion that its the only thing you can think of? Most of life's changes I can flow with, most things may cause me to pause but if for a brief second, and then I move on, but this, this has me dreaming of murder, Angry at every step. Breathing fire even when I don't have a cigarette between my lips. I guess its not only Anger but disappointment, feelings of no control. When someone makes a decision that you can't change and it is a Deal breaker, a Life changer, how do you just swallow it and say "cest la vie" I just wish there was a button to shut off all emotion. Wish that someone would loan me one of their bottles they shove everything into , so I too could choose not to feel. The other day I had a moment while by myself, driving down a country road and I yelled, I yelled at the top of my lungs, an almost demonic tone. I felt better, for a moment and then it came back. I guess its the time factor, everything takes time, time to heal time to grow time to destroy, nothing is done overnight. I'm still looking for the quick fix..... FML
Friday, February 18, 2011
Honesty
First I'd like to congratulate the people of Egypt in showing myself and the world that we can take back control when we collectively decide to. The power of people united in one cause is simply amazing.
People united in one cause is a powerful thing. In my recovery, a thing that is not achieved but done every day by living sober, I have found the power of people united in one cause. In these rooms I find the advice I need, the hope I am looking for and the acceptance I forever was searching. It is powerful.
Honesty is something I have been focusing on. Not in the matter of going back into your life and correcting all the lies you may have told or lived. In the manner of living honestly. To thine own self be true. I have read and reread this statement for many years and it never meant much, today it means everything. It is the essence of who I have become. It is the glue that keeps me together. The society we live in and just life in general is one of conformity. I never felt that I had conformed as an individual, I look different than most and have always taken pride in my self expression but I now realize that I had conformed to many a thing.
Today I choose to deal with life on life's terms. To not escape, to deal with my emotions and resentments and to not bottle them up. It really is a hard task when you have lived a life of escape for many years. It is not easy, the only thing harder I know of is living a life full of drugs and alcohol. A life where everything is chaos. Chaos created by me. I am not the only one who choose to live this way, there are millions that came before me and it will continue on as long as man is on this earth.
Humans are a complex being. Feelings, emotions, resentments, we all have them and for the majority of us we don't know how to handle them and find various ways of "escaping" from our reality. I am lucky that my way of dealing with them has a recovery process that is so well supported. Yes I could have died, however I did not and I am one of the fortunate ones who gets to enjoy life and still continue on this journey. Our spiritual connection is something very important, and I am not talking about Religion. I am talking about the power of something greater than ourselves. People who have this connection, no matter the background or affiliation, seem to have peace. A peace that I long for. It all starts with Honesty. Admitting to ourselves our wrongs, our weaknesses , taking inventory of both what is good and bad. Life is about growth , growth can only be done internally when we are Honest to the guy/gal in the mirror. HONESTY and Change.
Change is difficult it requires work, something that many of us feel that we do 9-5. We work to make money and see the direct effects of hard work in the material things it produces in our lives. Hard work in self also produces results, results not seeing if you don't look, but I am finding they are much more rewarding than the material things I have.
We all have the power to change, even if we don't realize it, it is the essence of our Human existence, if you don't like something change it. We all have the ability to do so, it is only controlled by the limits we choose to accept or put on our lives. But there we have made the decision, to not change... I'll end this post with a quote from a man whom I have always held much respect for, since my early years of listening to black flag. Mr Henry Rollins:
People united in one cause is a powerful thing. In my recovery, a thing that is not achieved but done every day by living sober, I have found the power of people united in one cause. In these rooms I find the advice I need, the hope I am looking for and the acceptance I forever was searching. It is powerful.
Honesty is something I have been focusing on. Not in the matter of going back into your life and correcting all the lies you may have told or lived. In the manner of living honestly. To thine own self be true. I have read and reread this statement for many years and it never meant much, today it means everything. It is the essence of who I have become. It is the glue that keeps me together. The society we live in and just life in general is one of conformity. I never felt that I had conformed as an individual, I look different than most and have always taken pride in my self expression but I now realize that I had conformed to many a thing.
Today I choose to deal with life on life's terms. To not escape, to deal with my emotions and resentments and to not bottle them up. It really is a hard task when you have lived a life of escape for many years. It is not easy, the only thing harder I know of is living a life full of drugs and alcohol. A life where everything is chaos. Chaos created by me. I am not the only one who choose to live this way, there are millions that came before me and it will continue on as long as man is on this earth.
Humans are a complex being. Feelings, emotions, resentments, we all have them and for the majority of us we don't know how to handle them and find various ways of "escaping" from our reality. I am lucky that my way of dealing with them has a recovery process that is so well supported. Yes I could have died, however I did not and I am one of the fortunate ones who gets to enjoy life and still continue on this journey. Our spiritual connection is something very important, and I am not talking about Religion. I am talking about the power of something greater than ourselves. People who have this connection, no matter the background or affiliation, seem to have peace. A peace that I long for. It all starts with Honesty. Admitting to ourselves our wrongs, our weaknesses , taking inventory of both what is good and bad. Life is about growth , growth can only be done internally when we are Honest to the guy/gal in the mirror. HONESTY and Change.
Change is difficult it requires work, something that many of us feel that we do 9-5. We work to make money and see the direct effects of hard work in the material things it produces in our lives. Hard work in self also produces results, results not seeing if you don't look, but I am finding they are much more rewarding than the material things I have.
We all have the power to change, even if we don't realize it, it is the essence of our Human existence, if you don't like something change it. We all have the ability to do so, it is only controlled by the limits we choose to accept or put on our lives. But there we have made the decision, to not change... I'll end this post with a quote from a man whom I have always held much respect for, since my early years of listening to black flag. Mr Henry Rollins:
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